xAnts

It's a tough situation: you love your partner, but their unhealthy lifestyle is putting a strain on your relationship. You're questioning your attraction and wondering if things can be salvaged. Eric offers insightful advice on navigating this sensitive issue, emphasizing the importance of communication, shifting your focus, and understanding the potential for change.

The Reality of Change

Let's be honest, life is a journey of constant evolution. People change, bodies change, and lifestyles inevitably shift. Accepting this fundamental truth is the first step in addressing your concerns. What might have been appealing initially could evolve, and vice versa. The key is to understand these changes within the broader context of your relationship.

Communication is Key

Open and honest communication is the bedrock of any strong relationship, especially when dealing with sensitive topics like health and lifestyle. Discuss your concerns with your partner in a non-accusatory way. Focus on how their choices impact you and the relationship, rather than simply criticizing their behaviour. Use “I” statements, for example, “I feel concerned when…” instead of “You always…”.

Shifting Your Focus: From 'No's to 'Yes'es

Instead of dwelling on what you don't like or what's changed for the worse, actively search for the positives. Are there still qualities you admire? Are there new aspects of their personality that you appreciate? This isn't about ignoring the issues; it’s about maintaining a balanced perspective. Focusing solely on the negative can blind you to the good and exacerbate feelings of resentment. Ask yourself: are there any 'yeses' - things you still find attractive, enjoyable, or fulfilling about your partner and your relationship?

Attraction is Complex

Attraction isn't solely based on physical appearance or a particular lifestyle. It encompasses emotional connection, shared values, humour, intellectual stimulation, and a multitude of other factors. While their lifestyle may be impacting your physical attraction, it's crucial to assess the overall dynamic of your relationship. Are you still compatible? Do you still enjoy spending time together? Do you still share core values and goals?

The Potential for Change - and Your Role

People can change, and often do. However, change rarely happens overnight, and it requires conscious effort and commitment. Your partner needs to want to change. You can support them in this journey by being encouraging and providing a safe space for them to explore healthier choices. However, you cannot force them to change. Ultimately, their well-being and their choices are their responsibility.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to stay in the relationship rests with you. Consider whether you are willing to accept their current lifestyle, and whether you believe there is a realistic possibility of positive change.